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ellemelle

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So. [09 Mar 2007|09:48pm]
I have no idea what I'm doing with my life.



What should do?
1 comment | comment

Friends [07 Jan 2007|03:43am]
[ mood | ditzy ]

I’ve never been good friends person. I’ve always wanted to be one, but somehow it has never worked out. When I was real young I did have some friends, but they were the kind that I’d have to call, that I’d have to find, never the other way around. They didn’t invite me over or stuff, I was always just a hang on.

When jr.high started I lost the little group of friends I had had at the time, just because I wasn’t cool. And it wasn’t as if it was something I just imagined because, one day I was sitting with a group of girls who were in my class, they actually asked me why I followed them around, and if I didn’t have any other friends that I could hang out with because I was making the uncomfortable. That sure did make me feel welcome. Not.


I thought it would all change at high school. And it has, somewhat. I mean, people do talk to me now, and, they tell me things more now, but still I don’t have that best friend relationship everyone talks so fondly about. I wish I did.

I seem to be much more of the listening type. I sit for hours listening to what they have to say, nodding and agreeing. This is, whenever I start to say something I always seem to get overridden, and they have a tendency not to listen. At all.

And that brings me to the internet. Since jr.high was such a fiasco and I had a lot of time on my hands I learned to love the internet. It has truly been my best friend. Some of the people I’ve noticed around(Hey!Chris) have inspired me to be myself and jut say FUCK YOU to the whole world and everyone I hate.

I do kinda have a best friend. Maybe 2. Perhaps even 3, but not in the same sense of having one you hang out with and talk to every day. They all live so far away from me, and there’s one that I’ve really fallen out with recently. I don’t know why, but it makes me oh so sad. The other I just recently gained. It’s amazing. We’re so alike. I love it.

So. If you’d like to be my friend more, I’d love that. Comment. xO

2 comment s | comment

Baaaaaaaa says Frank [02 Jan 2007|01:33am]
[ mood | crappy ]

Haha. I never noticed that before. Frank. xD


So. So far new years has blown fishballs. I got somad at my dad last night. He's been an ass for the last three days because he claims he's all depressed. I don't believe him. I think he just wants the pills.

When I was depressed, well, more than I am now I never whined like a baby. Not like he is now. Idiot.

I told him that too. I told him that if he was so fucking depressed as he claims and that he's been that way for 4 years, than obviously the pills arn't working and that he should see a therapist.

He came '_' that close to hitting me.

Great.

-_-

Otherwise. I'm stuck between getting an iPod shuffle tomorrow or not. It's cheap. And I want to. Kinda. But. I have 2 iPods already(bought a mini, won a video) so I don't know.

Suggestions?

Saw the MCR thing from NYE.

Damn. Mikey looks so happy. It's so great to see that boy smile again. I've missed that.
Gerards got the black hair back. I like it. Kinda. I liked the blonde better though. Seriously.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOB. He was so adorale with the toiletpaper out the window. Aww.
Ray.I love this man. He had mad rad sunglasses.
Frank. O_O. Bangs! He's growing them longer. Me: O_O :O!

Anyway. Happy new years guys. Hope it treats you all well

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Thanks [31 Dec 2006|07:11pm]
Thank you 2006
Hm.

I think 2006 has been one of my best years ever.

Well. Music wise.

I rediscovered MCR
I found FOB(well, that was december last year but whatev xD)
I found AFI
I found TAI
I found P!ATD(last december aswell)
I found The Hush Sound
I found Jack Johnson
I learned not to be ashamed of my music
I learned to adore classical music

Even though I didn't have a chance to go to any concerts this year, which was a slight damper on my spirits everything has still been great.

I moved away from home and I live close to my friends, and though I don't have internet, it's ok.

And eventhough BS(you know what I'm talking about peeps from there) was pretty much ruined for me I found MCRF and I believe that the ones I've started to talk to there might just become some of the best friends I'll get
(Going to US this summer. Hook up?)

In 2007 I want to see MCR. That's my main goal. But so far it doesn't look as if it will happen, but if not I'll just live with it. I mean. They've been my fav. band for 3 years. I can handle another couple. Can't I?

Anyway.

Happy new year everyone.
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*wave* [28 Dec 2006|11:06pm]
So.


I haven't updated in.

Forever.

I've gotten the WII MOFO.

Best thing ever.

I promise to start updating. Promise.

Lurve. xD
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Wrong [10 Jun 2006|11:05am]
Everything's just gone wrong.

I don't know what to do.

I got my grades back the yesterday. They're bad. I don't know what to do. Mom said that if I don't get accepted to the school I applied for here, it shouldn't be a problem for me to get in to a school in the US, but. That's terrifying.

I need to talk to my girlfriend. I haven't been in contact with her for. For 3 days. Damn. I miss her. I need her now. She needs to get her fucking phone fixed. I need to talk to her about this.

What am i going to do? I can't go to school in the US, can I?
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Blah weekend [27 May 2006|10:34am]
[ mood | depressed ]

I found a slash that made me bawl like a baby. Fireflies find their wings I think it was called. It was so beautiful. I sobbed.

Had my song and piano final on friday. I thought I was going to die. I went i. Played this piano song called Boogie nr.1 by Gerald Martin(When i introuced it I said Gerard XD) That went OK, I played one thing wrong. Than I sang "Sometimes I feel like a motherless child" again, it went OK. Had to wait 20 minutes for my response. I was in literal shock. First my piano teacher said i did fantastic and that I was a great student and that I really practiced and that when I played it was really visible that I loved to play piano. and that in class I was very eager. Than my song teacher said pretty much the same. And that I sang really pure, and pretty. And that I had gotten loads better over the year, and he liked listening to me sing and that I should continue.
I started crying I was so happ.
Don't get my grades until I have mydrum final though *pissed*

Mari is coming to Oslo in June, but she can't/doesn't want to meet me since she's going with her class, and wants to spend time with them. That kind of pissed me off and we had a fight. But I said I was sorry, so i think and hope we're friends again. I love her so much.

I'm broke. Again. I used up all my birthday money. Mostly on food. I hate bringing food from home. And I bought 2 phonecards, so alot went there.

That's it for now i guess.

The mailman just went down the street. I'll have to keep an eye out for him. I hope I get mail and or a package today :D

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Just me [21 May 2006|12:31pm]
Almost 17 now. Just 4 tiny more days until there's only a year left before I'm a "legal adult". I've been thinking lately, what have I done with my 17 years?
Nothing
I haven't had real friends since the sixth grade. Mostly during school I sit alone, doing nothing, just staring out the window, or at the floor, depending on where I sit.
I fight with my parents.
I don't do my homework.
And all I really want to do is drop out of school.
I have nothing to show for.
I can't write poems, so I'll never be able to make it like Pete Wentz has.
I can't draw.
I can't paint.
I can't play music and I can't write fiction.
So what am I good for? Exactly. Nothing.
I'm just so sick of feeling worthless. I feel like i can't do anything right. I'm 17 and a faliure.
People always say that things are going to get better. But whenthe hell is that going to happen? People told me that when I started jr.high school when I was 13, but nothing happened. Infact, everything just got worse. I didn't have any friends. Mym mum hated that I was a "loner" so she just told my american family that I was still friends with the people I was with in elementary. What is so wrong with your child being alone? She's so ashamed of me. I was never invited to anything. Why the hell do people think that everything is going to get better? What is getting better anyway? Partying and sleeping with random guys? Yeah. It is. Sometimes all I wish for is to be one of the popular kids. I just want people to really notice me. It must be great, getting noticed. Invitid to places and events. Going to movies. I haven't been to the movies with someone other than family since Return of the king. That was in 2003. How pathetic is that?
I don't even want to contact a therapist. I hate the way thet just look down at you, thinking they know what's wrong with you. Just sitting there with their little notebooks, one leg over the other, asking you how your life is at the moment eventhough they already know the answer. It's shit. Shut up already. Yeah. I've been to one before and I'm not going back.
I don't want happy pills. I don't want the fact that me smiling is because of a little round pill. The thought of that makes me sick to my stomach.
I hate, no, I despise the way I look. I like my eyes. I like my lips. Everything else is hideous. I'm to fat. My butt is huge and I hate my nose. And no, i'm not just the only one who thinks I'm fat. I was called fat in elementary school. I was called fat in jr.high and I bet people think I'm fat now. The worst thing? My mom. Even she thinks I'm fat, and I ahte her for that. She comments it often, and I mean often. 5 times a week, at least. She goes around saying: "Oh I'm so fat. I'm such a hippo. Lets all go on a diet!" I thought parents were supposed to be good rolemodels? Apparently mine arn't.
I'm 17 and I'm nothing. Am I ever going to have a shot at being something? Anything?
1 comment | comment

English Essay [15 Mar 2006|06:05am]
The trials of being a life saver

-You can go in now Mr.Wentz.
The secretary smiled at him, adjusting her glasses and giggling slightly. She looked young, just around 19. ‘Probably a fan’ He smiled at her, muttered his thanks and went into the office.
-Ah, Mr.Wentz! Wonderful to see you again. How was the tour?
She smiled at him and pointed to where he was supposed to sit. He sat down timidly and gave her a faint smile.
-Tour was great, as always. Sold out venues. Jam packed with kids, then after the shows all the kids want to meet you and tell you how great you are, and how you saved their lives. The norm you know.
He gave a small nervous laugh and started picking at a hole in the pillow he was holding.
-Well, that’s good. Now we’ll start off where we left off before you went off on tour. You had just told me about your nightmares and anxiety attacks. I think we were talking about how it was just before the release of ‘From under the corktree.’
He sighed and leaned back in the sofa, closing his eyes.
- Yeah, right, well, before it came out, we were living on the money we got from t-shirt sales after the shows, and relying on being able to crash at fans houses, which was fun in the beginning, but sometimes all you want is a proper bed at a hotel instead of a hard floor.
He smiled to himself and ran his fingers through his greying hair, his 35 years were starting to catch up in him ask you could see in the creases of his eyes and the grey hair.
- All that changed of course when the album came out. After ‘Sugar we’re going down’ came out on the radio and mtv sales of ours cd’s rocketed and after just a few months we had made millions. Our shows had gotten so much bigger, that was great, I mean, it was fantastic having lots and lots of fans at your shows, but you miss the intimacy of small venue shows. My recod company got bigger and better, getting better bands to sign with us was easy now. I mean, just look at Panic! At the disco. They got huge. And that was mainly because I talked so much about them and said that if they liked us they’d probably like them too. I can’t believe that I had so much influence in getting them big. And even though it was great and so fun, I felt really weirded out by it.
He took a deep breath and closed his dark, tired eyes again. She looked concerned at him and asked
-Well Pete, what’s giving you this weirded out feeling?
-I don’t know! There’s a reason I come to see you you know!
He cried desperately and covered his face with his hands.
-It’s just. Well. At the same time as I love getting new fans and influencing new kids and saving their lives. Being able to reach out and help people. I hate that our old fans are so upset saying that we’ve failed and deserted them. And I miss the small intimate concerts we used to have. When we could go out for drinks after the show with fans. But at the same time I truly adore the big venue concerts since there is so much energy, And I realise I used to bitch about having to sleep on the floors and not having a hotel, but it really isn’t all that great that I hoped it would be. I, oddly as it sounds, miss the intimacy of sleeping on fans floors.
He rubbed his eyes and sighed, breathing deeply in and out. She sighed and wrote it down just as the small alarm clock on the desk rang. She smiled at Pete as she shut it off as he stood up and pulled his coat on.
-Are you sure you would like to continue with this?
-Yeah, it’s really helping me. Thank you Dr.Roberst.
He smiled and waited for his pill prescription.
-Ok, if it’s what you want and if you think it’s helping. I’ll see you next week
She smiled and handed the piece of paper to him
-You can get these out with Miss.Aaronsen, and make sure you remember your next appointment.
-Thanks. I’ll see you then.
She lead him to the door, closing it after him. She sighed to herself and muttered
-Why can’t these rags to riches people ever just be happy?
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Slash picture [16 Feb 2006|12:27pm]
[ mood | amused ]

I don't know if this has been mentioned before, but yesterday my mom brought me home a copy off BassGuitar with Mike Dirnt on the cover as a gift since I had one of my wisdomteeth pulled yesterday(Hurt like hell). Anyway. I open it up and I see this picture that I have never seen before. And I realise it's so slashy!

Look at how they are looking at eachother! That hint of a little smirk on Mike's lips. Looking at Billie. Oh my. :D
(Or it could just be me seeing it because I'm still high from the pain killers. xD)


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v299/Rusur/Slashmike.jpg

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Wisdom tooth [15 Feb 2006|04:47pm]
I just got a wisdom tooth out. It was hideous. O.O I had to have 3 pills to calm me down. Then about a million shot and I still bawled my eyes out. First he had to drill the tooth in 3 bits. Than wrench it out, trying to slide this weird flat thing to try and flip it out. It hurt so bad.

And I still have 2 ones to get out. *sob*
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Valentines day [14 Feb 2006|04:54pm]
Valentines day sucks.

Not one frikkin' card.

I love you anyway Mari.

And happy V-day to all you happy people on my flist.
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Exhausted [09 Feb 2006|05:51am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

I'm so tired. And not because it's early. But I'm so exhausted, mostly mentally. There has been so much lately.

My dad keeps yelling at me for no reason, except that he's annoyed and needs to take his anger out on someone.
He says I piddle away my money, and it doesn't seem that I'll be able to go into Oslo with my friends during Winter Break. I didn't fucking piddle away my money. But jesus christ me and my gf had our two month anni. and I wanted to get her something special. Of course he could never understand it as my parents haven't celebrated theirs, at least in the years I can remember.

I'm exhausted from school too. There is so much work, heavy work. I have to analizations I have to do for paintings. There are two book analizations due. We have a french test next week. And ontop of all this I still have to get up every morning at 5am.

Ontop of all this, on Wednesday I'm going in to have my wisdomteeth pulled. I'm terrified. I don't even know if I'm going to be knocked out, I better or else I'm not opening my mouth. Stupid dentists.

We got our rolls for the play we are doing for our culture festival. I play a boy in a class(from the 50's/60's), and than I have sound effects during a fight. I'm so dissapointed. Fucking dramateacher.
Whilst at drama yesterday, Andreas in my class hit me in the eye with a wool tail(he's playing a dog). It hurt so bad. My eye was running for 45minutes. It still hurts when I blink.

I have to go to school now
So long
<3

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Computer Ban [08 Feb 2006|10:16pm]
[ mood | angry ]

Hey guys

My dad kinda banned me from the internett. Blew up for no reason(details later)

I'll try and update while I'm at school, and when I can sneak on

<3

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Snow snow motherfucking snow [05 Feb 2006|01:55pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

It's snowing here. Again. It's been snowing and cold the past month. I'm so sick of it. The weather is messed up. It's COLD FREEZING one day. Next day it'll get warm and everything will start melting. And ofcourse the next day it's FREEZING again so there is a 3 inch layer of pure slippery ice. Oh joy.

In other news. Have 2 analizations due. One tomorrow, and one next friday. I suck at them, but it's so fun.

Me and my gorgeous girlfriend celebrated our 2 month anniversary on the 1st. It was great. I got her this gorgeous silver ring with a purple stone. In a real proper box and everything. Total engagement box. ^^ She loved it(thank god). I love her. The last two months have been amazaing. I love you Mari. <3

I just discovered Panic! at the disco. I saw that they were starting to get big, so i was going to be all, no I don't like them. But than I heard I write sins, not tragedys and they really are a great band. I love their CD.

I went to HAIR! on Friday. I LOVE HAIR. It was great. Thats my new favorite musical. It was fantastic. They put it on so good. I want to be in a musical. :/ I love the songs from Hair <3

I luff you all. <3

1 comment | comment

Stupid fuckers [02 Feb 2006|07:21pm]
[ mood | drained ]

I'm so FUCKING sick of the poser shits. I HATE that The Used are getting popular. Or, i don't hate that they are getting big, because than they might come here for a concert. But I HATE being called a teenybopper. I've liked them for TWO years. Now. Since they are starting to get bigger, i'm being called a teenybopper and people say i'm LYING about liking them for 2 years. I hate it. I need my music. I need it to be MINE. I have Fall out boy and Taking Back Sunday left. Help...

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Little lost girl [30 Jan 2006|06:23pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

Lost little girl
Can't you see me?
I'm standing right infront of you
But I'm standing in the dark

Lost little girl
The walls close in around me
I'm drowning in the darkness of my lies
I see no light ahead

Lost little girl
Can't you hear me?
I'm screaming in the dark
But no one answers my calls

Lost little girl
Darkness surrounds me again
No one can see me where I am
I feel so alone

Lost little girl
Can't someone find me?
I want to be saved from the dark
I'm so afraid

1 comment | comment

I'm so fucking sick of it [28 Jan 2006|12:17am]
[ mood | depressed ]

I'm so fucking sick of my father lying. He lies to my face just to try and prove that h's right. Than when I say he's lying he tells me to go to my room. I hate it. I hate when he yells. I hate it.

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Emo [26 Jan 2006|05:44pm]
[ mood | amused ]

i wish my lawn was so emo it would cut itself


:D

1 comment | comment

Oh yesssss. First poooostt [23 Jan 2006|07:37pm]
[ mood | horny ]

Oh yes. Here i sit with my new livejournal. It's teh shit. I'm gonna be such a LJwhore. O.o

I stayed home from school today. I wasn't sick. But I couldn't sleep. Well, barely. got about 2 hours. Stupid dream. :( Dreamed that my girlfriend was in town. But then she wouldn't meet me. Then when she finally met me she wouldn't let me touch her or kiss her and she said she didn't love me. So when I woke up I was real depressed. I hate when I remember my stupid dreams.

My body is still aching from the stupid ski trip. It was fun though.. xD

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